The Thing About Girls
by Team Dragon Star
Summary: ONE-SHOT: Gohan learns that when it comes to girls, there's no law or logic. Either way, you're pretty much screwed.


**Out from the dusty archives. You might have seen this one before, way back when TDS had a One-Shot-Hot-Spot. They'll be rolling out one at a time. Hope you enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: **Nobody affiliated with TDS owns DBZ

**The Thing About Girls ~ Gue22**

**...**

Gohan strolled through Chazke village whistling a happy tune. The village had grown and rebuilt itself a lot in the four years post Cell. The tyranny of the Burbone family was a thing of the past.

He turned a corner and pushed his way through the bat-wing, saloon style swing-doors of Chazke's oldest General Store.

"Gohan," the old shopkeeper greeted "you look taller every time I see you." He said with a smile, wiping his hands down on his white shopkeeper's apron.

"Yeah, my mom says I'm finally going through my growth spurt." Gohan responded, as he walked towards the wooden counter.

"Uh…yes…let's see how tall you'll get." The old shopkeeper said good-naturedly. "What will it be today?"

Gohan pulled out his shopping list from his shirt pocket and slid it across the counter. "It's a bit long today, gramps is having a birthday tomorrow, so mom's gonna go all out."

"Uh…yes…birthdays," the old shopkeeper mused absently, picking up the list and scanning through it. "Right…give me half an hour and I'll have everything ready for you, okay?" he said, turning around to grab his ladder.

"Is Lime around?" Gohan asked, slipping his hands into his pockets as he turned around to admire the new decorative boards on the wall, courtesy of the talented Lime.

"Lime? Pft!" The old man scoffed, scratching at his white mustache with the knuckle of his index finger as he ascended up the ladder to pull down some far to reach items. "Lime doesn't come round the shop much, not since…" his features twisted in displeasure, "…not since her new 'friend'…" he emphasized the last word with distaste.

Of course, that was all lost on Gohan.

"Oh…okay…I'll just take a quick stroll down to the river, maybe she's just there, climbing trees as usual. I'll be back before the thirty minutes are over!" he waved, pushing past the door in his haste to get to the river.

He strolled through the little path of trees, crunching dried twigs and leaves, wondering if he should pick up a lizard as a gift for Goten. The little guy was obsessed with the reptiles, and it always made his day when his big-brother snuck one into the house for him.

A fit of giggles brought him out of his musings, he picked up his pace, excited that Lime was in fact by the river like he'd hoped.

The little path began to widen as the trees began to thin out, and as he happily stepped through the clearing, his boots grew heavy, anchoring him to the ground. He couldn't move, he was devastated and shocked all in one go.

"Lime! What are you doing?" he yelled, his eyes huge, his cheeks reddening from anger and embarrassment.

"Ah!" Lime yelped, jumping back from the blue-haired boy with a snake tatoo on his shoulder, hurriedly pulling down her grey shirt. "Damn it Gohan, how many times have I told you not to do that!" She fumed, tucking the shirt back into her jeans, a light tint of red outlining the top of her cheeks.

"What are you doing Lime? Were you…k-kissing him?" Gohan stammered in disbelief.

"That's none of your business Gohan, what the hell are you doing here? Did gramps send you?" She folded her arms and narrowed her eyes at him.

"Wha…no, of course not. I just dropped off a list at the store and thought I'd come round looking for you." He said, looking between Lime and the tall boy standing next to her.

"Err…what's going on? Is this your brother or something?" said boy spoke up.

"Wha…brother? No, I'm her boyfriend, who the hell are you?" Gohan snarled, unaware that he was advancing towards the taller boy threateningly.

"MY WHAT?" Lime screamed, her face contorted in complete disbelief as she advanced towards Gohan, intercepting his unintentional gravitation towards the boy "Son Gohan, you are NOT my boyfriend!" She yelled in his face, stomping her foot down for emphasis.

"Huh…wha…" Gohan blinked, and halted his movements "What do you mean Lime?" his voice lost it's edge, retreating back to bewildered.

The tall blue-eyed boy rolled his eyes. "I don't have time for this." He said. "I thought you were a nice girl Lime, guess I was wrong. Should have given me a heads up about your boyfriend. Oh well." He shrugged, walking away in the opposite direction.

It was only then that Gohan noticed it. It was a motorbike, old and dirty, but his eyes didn't fail to pick-up the snake sticker, matching his tattoo. He suddenly developed a hatred for the slithering serpents.

As the loud motorbike disappeared down the path, leaving dust and a loud roar behind, Lime smacked Gohan on the chest. "Urgh! You...You Iditot!"

"I don't understand Lime, did we break up?" Gohan regarded her. He was angry and hurt, but now he was confused as well as he looked down on her angry face innocently.

"Gohan, are you some kind of psycho?" She yelled. "How can we break up, when we've never been together?" She threw her arms up and stormed to the edge of the river. She took some deep breaths to try and calm herself as she stood overlooking the turbulent stream below.

Gohan ran his hands through his hair as he moved to stand beside her. "I thought…" he faltered. What did she mean? Never been together?

"Gohan, I'm your friend," she began in a tone one would use with a small child. "I know we used to hang out all the time and stuff but…" She turned her eyes away from the water, combing her fingers through her long brown locks "I'm not your girlfriend, I just…don't see you that way." She sighed.

"Oh." Gohan said, slipping his hands in his pockets, his eyes staring at the tips of his boots. His throat felt raw, his stomach all twisted inside "I didn't realize." He kicked at an invisible object.

"Gohan look, its not automatic." Lime sighed. He looked so sad that she felt guilty about bringing him when to date with the truth. She hadn't even know that he saw her that way all this time. Or that he thought their friendship was more...She should have known better, given who he was, and how sheltered his life was - outside of her. "Look Gohan, " she tried again. "When you like a girl, you have to speak up and ask them out, okay? And before you can go 'steady' or call someone your girlfriend or boyfriend, certain declarations have to be made, _after_ a few successful dates. At least, that's how it's done in the movies." She added truthfully. She was no expert either, her experience was limited to fooling around with a few boys.

"Oh." Was all he said, his eyes following the movement of a small stick as it swayed with the ripples of the water. He scunched up his forehead thoughtfully and turned towards her. "Well then…will you? Go out with me?" he turned up his eyes pleadingly and hopefully.

Lime grimaced.

"I like Snake, he's from the city." She said quietly, as if the City had everything to do with it.

"Oh." Was all he was able to say.

…

The wooden porch creaked under the weight of his dress shoes, he was nervous, but he was excited at the same time.

He took a deep calming breath, adjusted his bow tie, and knocked gently on the door.

"Ah…Gohan, come in, come in." The old man stepped aside, allowing the tall teenager to step through the threshold.

"It's good to see you again sir" Ge said said politely, offering the old man a hesitant smile. His mother had given him so many lectures about tonight, he was praying that Lime's grandfather wasn't going to get into it as well.

"Lime! Lemon!" The old man called out, supporting his weight on a walking stick "hurry it up girls, Gohan's already here." He announced, pulling out a pipe from his pocket.

"Let's wait outside while I have a smoke, you know girls - they take forever to get ready." Said the old man as he limped out onto the porch.

Gohan was grateful that he didn't have to wait long for Lemon to come down. He was equally as glad that Lime didn't come down to say goodbye to her. Though they had tried to remain friends over the past year, Gohan still felt kinda weird around her.

A few days back, he had gone to the store to get some supplies and he had been surprised to find a new face, Lemon.

She had been sent to live and help out with the shop after their grandfather fell, hurting his hip. And since Lime had been written off completely, given her dubious track record with responsibility since taking up with the city boy - Snake, Lemon, another grand-daughter had been shipped down to 'teach her cousin a thing or two about being responsible'.

Gohan had immediately found her friendly manner refreshing - it was nice to meet someone his own age. How the subject of the Harvest Dance had come up, and how he had found himself asking the plump cousin to go with him, Gohan would never know. But…as she stood in the doorway now, her chubby cheeks flushed, her hair dark and rich, making him itch to run his fingers through it, Gohan was suddenly glad that he had asked her out.

"Hi," he said, straightening up to offer her his arm.

"Hi," she said breathlessly, the discreet corset she was wearing under her dress to keep her stomach in, pressing painfully into her ribs.

…

"Gohan, I will never forgive you for breaking poor Lemon's heart" Lime stormed into his house, her eyes furious, her fist clenched, making the snake tattoo peeping down her tattered vest wave with the movement of her lean muscles.

"Wha…" Gohan jumped from the floor, where he had been racing cars with five year old Goten.

"She was so upset after your date last night that her mom came and picked her up and took her back home this morning!" she glared at him.

"Wha…she's left?" Gohan's face was the picture of shock.

"Yes! She left! Back to her own Village! Damn it!" She yelled. "And guess who's gonna have to pick up the slack at the stupid shop till grandpa recovers, ME! THAT'S WHO!" She screamed louder, making Goten hide behind his brothers leg.

Gohan shook his head. It did not make any sense. "I don't understand, I thought we really hit it off last night. We had a really great time." Gohan stared at her, shocked and disbelieving.

"That's the whole point GOHAN! Lemon thought so too! You totally led her on!" Lime plopped herself on the couch, her denim shorts riding up her thighs, as she began helping herself to some of Goten's cookies.

Not caring much for manners, with the cookies still in her mouth, she began to lecture him. "You're such an ass Gohan. It was bad enough that you didn't give her one lousy little compliment the whole night. I mean…monfflbloofl" she mumbled, as she chewed on the cookie. Little Goten's face dimpled with anger - he hated it when people took his food.

"Do you have any idea how much time she spent on her hair? HOURS!" Lime flashed a dirty look in Gohan's direction as she lectured on, snatching another cookie from Goten's plate, completely unwared of the dark glare coming from the five year old.

"Do you know how much money she spent on that dress, not to mention the hours she spent adjusting it so it can fit her fat ass? LOTS!" she swiped her hands up and down, letting the cookie crumbs dirty Chichi's carpet "Do you realize that the poor girl ate nothing but liquidized disgusting spinach since the day you asked her to the dance so she could lose weight?"

Gohan could only stare, shaking his head. He was shocked. Why did she want to lose weight?

"Next time you go out on a date, if you really like the girl, do yourself a favour and complement her hair, her clothes and for Kami's sake her damn weight!" Lime finished, storming out of the house.

…

Standing with two buckets full of water as punishment, Gohan watched nervously, as the girl with the big orange hair from earlier on the roof walked out of the classroom door, turning and…advancing towards him. It was just his luck that she had been up there when he landed, seeing him transform, betraying his secret identity. Damn it! He had only started here a few days ago, but already his secrets were in jeopardy, not to mention that his mother was gonna kill him if word got back that he had to be punished for misbehaving in class.

_Crap!_

"Hi," she said, her hands folded behind her back, causing her breasts to strain against the thin fabric of her fitted white top. There was a glint in her eyes that made him uncomfortable.

"Hi…you too?" he asked, trying to act calm. _Great, she's gonna spill my secret,_ he thought.

"Yeah…gosh…I was naughty too…yep!" She said, sounding anything but remorseful as she came to stand next to him, her eyes cast to the floor.

Slowly she lifted her face and stared at him, her cheeks staining with colour as she giggled, scooting even closer to him. Too close

_Oh man, this is just great. What am I gonna do now? _he let out a nervous laugh.

"Gohan…err…um…" her thick lashes lifted up, revealing her dark turquoise eyes, as they sparkled, looking up at him in adoration.

"Yeah…what?" _Wow, haven't seen that look since that night out with Lemon._

"Nothing." She said quickly, only to add - "But…doyouhaveasteadygirlfriend?" Shooting the sentence out like rapid fire.

"No. I don't." _Girlfriend? Hah! More like one imagined relationship and one night out with Lemon that went so bad she had to flea the village the next day. Yeah, I'm a regular casanova._

"Wonderful. How about dating me then?" she threw at him, out of nowhere.

_Whoa! You've got to be kidding me! She's asking me out? shouldn't **I** be doing the asking? Jeesh, I don't even know if I like her!_

"Well…gosh…I…I…" he stammered, trying to find the right words.

Too late!

That warm and adoring look gave way to a pitiful and sad cry, as the girl in question squated on the ground, her hands covering up her face as she cried.

"You think I'm ugly, don't you. Just say it. You think I'm ugly!" She wailed, her huge hair bouncing up and down with the tremors from her wailing.

"No. no. That's not true" Gohan said hurriedly as he looked around the passageway nervously. What would people think if they walked past and found a crying girl by his feet.

"Then why won't you go out with me, if it's not true?" She continued to weep.

Man he felt like such an ass, making a nice girl like her cry and all. "Uh…it's…just…" he stuttered.

"If you don't go out with me, I'll tell everyone your secret." Her voice went from hysterical to threatening as she lifted up her face to glare at him.

Not a tear in sight, he realized. Huh?

"You wouldn't!" He yelped. Shocked by the sudden blackmail.

"I sure would. Just try me." Her eyes locked with his, her lips pursed, their slight colour highlighting her matching earrings.

"Please don't" Gohan begged, he couldn't afford to have anyone find out about his secret. He couldn't!

"I don't understand." She suddenly flipped back to hysterical. And with her hands moving to cover her face she proceeded to cry, again. "Why won't you go out with me? And then we can keep this secret between us when we start dating. But…you don't like me." She cried some more.

"…_will you? Go out with me?" he turned up his eyes pleadingly, hopefully to her face_

_Lime grimaced_

"_I like Snake, he's from the city." She said quietly, as if that had everything to do with it._

Looking at the girl before him, he remembered how he had felt that day she'd rejected him. His throat raw, his stomach all twisted inside.

"That's not true. Let's go out." He blurted, and with immediate effect, the crying stopped, her head whipped up, her eyes sparkling.

"You really mean it?" Her voice was excited, yet even. No remnants of the crying what so ever.

_Huh? Was she faking before?_

"Yeah." He said in response to her question, trying to read her.

"Whoo! Great! Great!" She screamed in glee, literally jumping up and down the school hallway. "…we are going to have a blast you just wait" she clapped, like she'd just won the lottery, her short dark skirt ridding further and further up her thighs. "Cool. I'll see you tomorrow then okay, I'll meet you at the train station at one o'clock" she chirped and disappeared.

_What the? _

Gohan stared after her, totally bewildered, pushing his hand to the back of his neck, only, he forgot the water he was holding, hunching his shoulders in defeat as it poured down his clothes.

He was now completely, drenched

…

Gohan walked down the school corridor with his spirits down as he contemplated yet, _another_ failed date.

"_I don't like you anymore Gohan. See if I ever let you take me out on a date again!" _

He shook his head at the memory of how Angela had screamed at him in the street, before storming off, leaving him alone with that pestering Videl Satan.

As he made his way past the groups of students, he tried to think of a way to make it up to her. He had really failed her. He had forgotten to complement her hair, her clothes and her weight, like Lime had warned him. And then, to put icing on the cake, he had allowed himself to be caught in an arguably compromising position with that scary girl Videl.

He supposed, from an onlookers point of view, it _had_ looked like he was trying to kiss the nosy crime-fighter.

"_What are you doing Lime? Were you…k-kissing him?"_

He remembered with clarity how shocked he had been, back way back when…he'd thought Lime was his girl.

No. he had to find Angela and apologize, maybe take her out somewhere nice this weekend.

_I feel so bad, Angela really likes me, and somehow I managed to hurt her feelings. Man, I bet I destroyed her whole world_, he thought regretfully as he continued to scan the students for her.

"Huh?" he blinked, when he saw her leaning towards another boy at school. Her eyes looking at him warmly and adoringly like he had been looking at him the day before.

"…ooh…and what a physique you've got…" she ran her hand over the guys arm "…the last guy I went out with was nice, but he was wimpy, you're such a better catch…" she ogled him, her hands clapsed before her face in adoration.

"…he even wore teddy underwear, what a loser…" she went on to say

Gohan could only stare, shocked, yet…not for the first time by the actions of the opposite sex.

_Will I ever, understand girls? _he turned around, feeling like a complete fool.

…

Videl smoothed down the nervous sweat on her palms down her short dress, clutching her purse under her arm.

A year and a half she had waited for him to ask her out…and tonight was finally here.

She glanced at her reflection in the mirror fleetingly as she made her way out her room. She walked down the long corridor of the mansion, pausing at the top of the stairs.

Gohan swallowed, gripping the rail for support. He allowed his eyes to linger on her chest, were her dress was all gathered up in pleats as it hugged her bossom before flowing out all the way down to her knees.

Her necklace and earrings sparkled- no doubt real diamonds. As she took the first step down, her steep heels made a quiet clank. Gohan's eyes followed from the peeking of the cute manicured toes, travelling up the length of her legs to where they disappeared beneath her skirts. By the time she'd made it all the way down the stairs, Gohan was barely able to breathe.

He had waited so long for this - A perfect night out, with the perfect girl.

"Hi," she said, almost shyly.

"Hi," he said, "…you look…amazing."

"Thank you, you look great too, I like the shirt." She said, lightly touching the fabric on his arm.

_Alright Gohan, you lucky bastard, this is it. Don't screw this night up._ "Your hair…it's…it looks really nice, I like what you've done with it." _Compliment one, check._

Videl blushed, her hairdresser had gone for something new and daring, she was ever so glad that it had paid off.

"The dress is really beautiful as well," he let his eyes linger on it, reaching out to touch lightly on the soft fabric between the tips of his fingers."…Soft…" He murmured, more than spoke.

Videl beamed, "I'm glad you like it. I've never spent as much time choosing an outfit as I did for tonight." She laughed.

"Well, it was clearly time well spent." He grinned back at her, offering her his arm "Shall we?" _Compliment two, check._

Videl nodded, snaking her arm in his, as they walked towards the door. The butler swung the doors open to let them out. "Have a pleasant evening, Ms Satan."

As they stepped out to the lavish porch overlooking the water fountain, Videl knew that this night was definitely written in the stars.

"You really look slim in this outfit, all that training we've been doing…definitely paying off." _Compliment three, check._

"WHAT?" Videl came to an immediate stand still, her face burning in red from the neck down. "Are you trying to tell me that I'm usually _FAT_?" she clenched and unclenched her fists, glaring.

"Wha…No…No…I'm just saying that you look really, really thin tonight." He squeaked.

"Why…YOU!" she snarled, and whacked him on the head with her clutch-purse "I can't believe that the whole time you were training me, you were thinking that I needed to lose wait! There is absolutely nothing wrong with me, you ass!" She shoved him, heaving, as she turned on her heel.

"Good-Night!" She spat, and slammed the door in his face to further emphasize her mood.

Gohan stood outside the door completely stupified. What did he do wrong now?

"_Next time you go out on a date," yelled Lime, "if you really like the girl, do yourself a favour and complement her hair, her clothes and for Kami's sake her damn weight!"_

* * *

><p><strong><em>Hope you had fun reading, please leave a review<em>**


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